you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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