if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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