she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
