Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
