You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize