Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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