Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
