His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
