do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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