What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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