thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
