i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
