have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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