There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
