It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
