I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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