Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
