I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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