I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
