Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
