Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
