Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
