I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
