I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
