You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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