its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
