I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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