someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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