I want to make a zoo with you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
