Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
