My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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