shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
