turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize