i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
