The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
