In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
