So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
