I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
