I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
