It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
