i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
