So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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