Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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