I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
