i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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