her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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