The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
