Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
