woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
