You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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