I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
