i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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