Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
