operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
