i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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