matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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