Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You took a bar mat shot.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
