I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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