He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
