bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
