Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
