life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
