That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
