I puked a lego.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
