walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my shit smells like andre
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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