I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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