you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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