Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
