last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
