You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
