Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
