apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
