ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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