Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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