What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
this hospital has no fireball
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
